The Silver Lame Hanky

Side view of silver lame tennis shoe

Starfuckers and A Decade In Time

Following my experiences in Baltimore, my first leather contest in Florida was Florida Fetish Weekend, November, 2006. I met some amazing people, and I learned a whole lot when it came to new kinds of fetishes and kinks.

On the evening of the opening ceremonies, the emcee was draped entirely in a tasteful silver lame outfit, including the cutest pair of silver lame sneakers, like the photo I've found. She explained that she was sporting the "starfucker" hanky flag since that was one of her flags. Seeing what I had already seen of what celebrities were in the gay leather community (and outside of the community, since it can apply to both), it was a hanky that I didn't particularly find appealing.

I had only been in the leather lifestyle for about 7 months at that point, and only by calendar time. It took me a few months to find the leather club and bars in the Tampa/St. Petersburg area. I did attend a leather title contest during that period of time as well as my first gay pride parade: St Pete Pride. I was gathering information very quickly about the lifestyle, and one thing I realized that was interestingly similar about the lifestyle and outside of the lifestyle was that leather titleholder contests were a lot like Miss America and the like...Pageantry.

I didn't have time for pageantry. I didn't see the value of it, the need for it, and through my naïve sense of judgment, established for many years that those who yearned for titles were just in it for the pomp and pageantry. This opinion was (and still is) shared by many of my friends for years, and soon it became a habit that if you had a sash on, I was leery around you.

Fast Forward to 2016

I'm standing outside, talking to a Sir after the Florida Leather Sir Leather boy and Community Bootblack contest has just finished. I reach in to exchange hugs with Him because He gives good hug 😀 I feel the brush of a leather sash on the back of my calf as I'm hugging, and our hug lasts for more than a normal hug. I glance back to try to identify the sash-wearing person but have no idea who he is. Having more interest in enjoying the hug, I finish that first before turning around and introducing myself to this person.

When I turn around, I see that he is the title boy to the Sir whom I was just hugging, so I assume that I was just in the way and I step back to let them stand next to each other. The boy turns to me instead and introduces himself to me and asks for a hug. I was a bit shocked, but didn't let it show too much. I introduced myself and gave him a hug.

We continue talking, and the Sir excuses himself from the conversation to go talk to other people. As I'm standing there talking to this international titleholder boy, my mind's jaw continues to further drop because a conversation I thought would never happen is actually happening: someone I consider to be of celebrity status is showing interest in me.

Now, I will take this moment to explain that I was not objectifying him as this blog entry makes it sound. I'm using his title because I would prefer to keep to the gentleman's rule of keeping private business private. The attraction that built between us had nothing to do with the fact that he was wearing a sash or that he held a title. If anything, it was a potential deterrent on my side given my predisposition toward leather titleholders.

Fireworks; Oompa Loompa Disaster

At one point, he explained that he saw me while the contest was going on and had hoped he would find me after it was over because he was really interested in talking to me. These are words that I don't really hear said to me on a regular basis. Compliments, yes, but nothing this serious. I was flattered. We had a great conversation throughout the evening and, once the evening permitted itself, we did have some amazing naked time.

The reason why I titled this section "Oompa Loompa Disaster" is due to the hair paint that I had on. During our goings-on in the bedroom, my head understandably thrashed around the pillows and sheets. The hair paint was pink and orange, so it mixed into this orange-ish color that looked just like an Oompa Loompa had died on the bed. We both got a good laugh out of it, and I remarked that he managed to survive the experience with only a single speck of orange on his forehead.


I have come to realize that my perspective on titleholders became quite a big prejudice. One of the reasons behind that prejudice was that I always thought that I could never be part of that "crowd", and also that titleholders wouldn't want anything to do with me. My self-esteem at the time (10 years ago, and for a lot of my developmental years as a Leatherman) was not very high. I was not giving myself credit for the self-development I've been working on with the help of everyone close to me in my life.

I do not know if I will ever run for a title in my life as a Leatherman, but my experience over this contest weekend opened my mind greatly. I now look back at the wearer of those silver lame shoes not as a woman gloating about being able to bed some celebrity, but having the self-confidence and self-esteem to be able to publicly affirm that she could do it if she were approached, or that she would approach a celeb if she found the person attractive.

I think that is a pretty valuable characteristic that runs deeper than the surface level of the hanky's description itself, and I'm glad that my experience at the contest weekend allowed me to revisit this concept. I'm looking forward to making more connections throughout the Leather community in the coming years.